At eighteen years old I would have told
you I'm not going to have a family
because I'm going to be a doctor and
that lifestyle is not fair to a family.
Fast forward four years and I became a mom to an amazing tiny little man.
What in the world was my eighteen year old self thinking?
A lot of buzz around the internet talks about
being a mama as this super hard exhausting task.
Here's the thing...
it absolutely can be hard and exhausting, but that is not all.
look back and think how in the world did I have 3 little boys 4 and
work full time, finish my teaching credential, and my master's
It really comes down to one thing.
I finished and survived all of that because I was a mama.
I wanted time with my boys,
I wanted better for my boys,
and I wanted to set an example for my boys.
I did the hard things because I was always thinking about my life with my boys.
Was I tired?
Was I frustrated at times?
Was it totally worth the early mornings and late nights?
Now I am stubborn by nature and a hard worker,
so this might just be how things work for me,
but I know in my heart doing all of the hard things comes back to my boys.
Making a good life for them was the push to get things done.
So on this Mother's Day I look back and think
how in the world could I do life without my men?
The short answer...
Being a mama brings me such joy.
This life is exactly what I was meant to do.
Here's a little disclaimer...I have a pretty amazing life just as it is. My boys are my joy, my husband is the best, my job is secure. As good as things have been, I know I need to move forward to make a better life and a happier me.
Learning to find my way has been quite a journey.
All my life I have been the good girl
with a side of stubborn and competitiveness.
I was one of the smart girls in school, so sciences and math were pushed.
I wanted to be the top kid, so I worked hard to see my name as high score.
There was the ability to succeed, but a true love of the academic world was never there.
I loved the art projects and the creative presentations assigned. Those things made my heart full!
No one ever encouraged me to pursue something that fed my creative soul as a career,
nor did it ever cross my mind to head in a creative direction.
Doctor, lawyer, engineer, teacher...those jobs are what academic achievers do.
Just now as I turn 40 am I realizing that my heart yearns to create and make beautiful things.
I love seeing the potential in homes,
in a yard of fabric,
in a slab of wood, or an old piece of furniture.
I have been in a classroom or on a retail floor doing the right thing
to make sure the bills were paid and food was on the table.
Now I long to shift into creating all the time.
I worked on a project all of Sunday and I didn't even realize how much time had passed.
That shows me following my heart is the right choice.
It wasn't work and I was smiling all day.
I long to create beautiful spaces.
I just realized this week I have always been wired to decorate and create.
The tree house in my grandparents' backyard needed curtains,
my homes needed cozy, warm touches, my classroom must be calm and nurturing.
How I feel when I enter a space is beyond important to me!
The bottom line is this...
smart and creative can go together.
I'm not quite sure how to be my own boss just yet
or if all these plans floating around in my head will work,
but I do know I have to focus on making it happen.
Being creative and making beautiful things is
just too important to my heart to just be a hobby anymore.